I promised I’d explain myself about why I turned into a blubbering mess when we found out we’d had our Australian residency visa granted and I realise it’s a harder post to write than I’d imagined.
To me, this is the true cost of Australian Residency – realising and coming to terms with leaving everyone behind, and the compromises you make in order to make your dream come true.
My family are a huge part of my life, there are so few of us that we are so tight-nit and I’m very close to my nearest and dearest. Leaving them behind is truly petrifying, for many reasons. I am told so often that the world is a smaller place now than it ever was before and that I’m only a day away if something goes wrong but what worries me is not knowing, not being there for the moments leading up to something going wrong and not being there for firsts, and most importantly, lasts. And this is why I cried.
My family is small, and the ‘grandparent section’ of the family is the smallest, with only my Nan and my adoptive Grandad left (long story). My nan is old (though she’d hate me for saying it – sorry Nan!) and I worry I’m going to miss out on the last few years of her life. When my Grandad died in 1985, my mum decided she couldn’t leave my Nan and she never has. I feel guilty that I am leaving and the thought that it may be the last time I hug her brings me to tears just writing this. I know I can’t wait around for that to happen – what a horrible thought to even have, but it does make me think twice about my decision.
She herself has told me to go, as have my parents – it’s because of them I want to, I’ve grown up with stories of many countries from their travelling and living abroad. My grandad used to say ‘you’ve got gypsy blood in your veins like me’ – his version of Wanderlust, and he was right. But it doesn’t make it any easier to leave.
Along the same lines, my best friend Louise has a daughter, Ivy. She is a princess in my eyes and I love her to absolute pieces. I’m not a big child person, don’t have them, don’t particularly ever want them… but I’m more than happy to be Aunty Lisa. She’s 4 in August, just before we leave and Lou is having another baby (boy!) soon too. I’ll miss it, birthdays, christmas, christenings….the lot. I hate the idea of my best friends kids growing up not knowing me. I’ve already started to lose touch with other friends and although I don’t think that would ever happen with Lou, its a horrible thought.
Then there’s my Mum and Dad. My rocks. I’m more interested in sitting in-front of the TV hanging out with them than I am in having a big night out anymore, I miss them loads already because I live in Lincoln – but it is only 3 hours away. A quick trip home always cheers me up if I’m feeling down and I’ll miss them most of all.
Plus my mum cried when I told her, which made me cry again. She is very happy for me but is equally going to miss me a shit ton, which is exactly how I feel!
How have you coped living away from home? Have you ever regretted your decision to leave, or maybe your decision to stay? I’d love to hear people’s thoughts on the matter!